A mere three weeks left in India, and 9 weeks behind me. I've scoured the country pretty much from top to bottom, and my final weeks will be spent in Allepey scouring the backwaters of Kerala on a canoe, seeing the spice capital of India in Kochi and then relaxing on the beach in Goa for Christmas and New Year. India is a large and diverse country, full of good things and people, but has a lot to improve on in any aspects.
In 2009, a 148-year old an anti-homosexual law was overturned and as a result sex between gays was no longer a crime. And last Wednesday that law was overturned again essentially making being gay in India a punishable crime. The Muslim community have strong feelings on the issue, and India is a very conservative country. Gay rights have never existed in this country, and by the looks of it they won't exist for a very long time. Even before this law was overturned this week I did not go around India advertising my sexuality, but told people I felt comfortable around and felt wouldn't judge me for it. But now I don't know what to do. I am completely comfortable with my own sexuality and while I don't go around shouting it out for all the world to hear, I don't want to hide it either. It's a part of who I am, so why should I act as if that part of me doesn't exist. But now I don't know what to do here. If I talk to a local for more than the standard 5 minutes exchanging the usual pleasentries, I don't like to lie. I usually have several conversations with a person before I come out to them out here. And I know that not all of India is close minded and conservative, but I don't want to take the risk of telling someone I'm gay and then them not accepting it simply because it's the law. Usually it would not be a big deal, but I've had a hard 9 weeks in India emotionally. You can't imagine what it's like to travel to India as a solo female traveller before you come, but in all honesty it's tough. I'm constantly on my toes, thinking what is this guy's alterior motivation in holding a conversation with me, do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Am I giving him the wrong idea by being polite to him and thanking him and giving a friendly smile? Is what I'm wearing ok and modest enough? I can't walk down streets without hearing compliments on my hair, tattoos or piercing at least once. And that gets tiring in the long run. And it all built up until I had an anxiety attack in Udaipur.
Hijras are a group of Indian people born male but who have feminine gender indentity, and generally most are transgendered, but some are gay, some are hermaphrodites and some are eunuchs. In 1994 they were legally granted voting rights as a third sex. Hijras are very low in the Indian Caste system, and they have very low employment opprtunities, so most of their income comes from performing in ceremonies or working as prostitutes. I've seen a few walking around blessing people on the trains in Mumbai.
Now I know the situation in India is not unique, but it hit me hard just because I was in the country when it happened. And as I think what this feels for me, I can't even begin to fathom what this feels for the Indian sexual minorities. Having finally gained a level of freedom 3 years, it's now been taken from them. They have to hide the fact that they're in love, and acting upon their feelings could result in imprisonment. I cannot comprehend this. How the fuck can it be so wrong to be in love? Russia, are you listening? It's the year 2013. Get over it.
